How to build genuine Christian friendships in a lonely age

Can I be honest with you? I've sat in a room full of people at church and felt completely alone. I've scrolled through social media seeing everyone else's friend groups and wondered what was wrong with me. I've wanted to reach out to someone but talked myself out of it, convinced they were too busy or wouldn't want to hear from me.

If any of that sounds familiar, you're not alone. In fact, that's the irony we're all living in right now. We're more "connected" than any generation in history, yet loneliness has become an epidemic. We have hundreds of friends online but struggle to name three people we could call in a crisis.

Why? We've outsourced connection to convenience—liking posts instead of lingering over coffee, texting instead of showing up, consuming content about community instead of creating it.

Something's not working. And I think it's time we talk about it - and more importantly, do something about it.

The Gap Between Connection and Community

Before we can fix the problem, we need to understand what we're up against. Here's what I've noticed: we've gotten really good at liking each other's posts, but we've forgotten how to linger over coffee. Scripture tells us to "bear one another's burdens," but we can't bear what we don't know about.

Real friendship requires something our culture has made increasingly hard: vulnerability. It means being the first to admit you're struggling. It means inviting someone into your messy home, not just the cleaned-up version. It means risking rejection by saying "I miss you" first. We've been trained to curate our lives, not reveal them. But friendship doesn't grow in perfectly filtered moments. It grows in the real, unpolished, ordinary stuff of life.

This week, consider practicing one small act of vulnerability. Share something real in your small group instead of saying "I'm fine." Send a text that says "I'm struggling with this—can we talk?" or "I've been thinking about you—how are you really doing?" Start small, but start somewhere.

When Everyone Lives Far Away

I'll be honest—this is harder than it used to be. Our grandparents had built-in community: neighbours they'd known for decades, churches they'd attended since childhood, friends who lived down the street. Friendship happened naturally through proximity and repetition.

Most of us don't have that anymore. We move for jobs. We commute long distances. We live in houses designed for privacy, not community. And let's face it—we're exhausted by the time we get home.

If we want friendship in this season, we have to be more intentional than previous generations. That might mean living near people we want to do life with, staying at the same church for years, or showing up to a small group week after week. Depth doesn't happen on our schedule, but it's more likely when you're consistently in the same place with the same people.

The Risk of Going First

Here's maybe the scariest part: someone has to go first. Someone has to send the text. Make the invitation. Admit they're lonely. Say "I'd like to be better friends" out loud. And we're all terrified to be that person. What if they don't reciprocate? What if I'm being too needy? What if they think it's weird?

But here's what gives me courage: we serve a God who pursues us. He didn't wait for us to get our act together before reaching out. He moved toward us first, in love, while we were still far off. And when we step out in courage to pursue friendship—even when it's uncomfortable—we're reflecting His heart. The person you're hoping will reach out to you is probably waiting for someone to reach out to them too. Someone has to be brave enough to go first—and that someone might as well be you.

Yes, it might be awkward. Yes, they might say no. But what if they say yes? What if they've been hoping someone would reach out too? What if your courage gives someone else permission to be brave?

So Where Do We Start?

Building friendship in 2025 takes courage and intentionality. But it's possible. And it's worth it. And here's something exciting: we're building a space where you can take that brave first step.

We're launching an online community called Meet New Christians where people like you—people who are tired of surface-level connections and longing for something real—can connect, encourage one another, and build genuine friendships rooted in faith.

When we launch, I want to invite you to join us. Sign up, introduce yourself, and here's my challenge: message someone. Not someday when you feel ready—do it on day one. Be the person who goes first. You might just find that the friend you've been praying for has been looking for you too.

Sign up to Meet New Christians for free

---

Ready to take the next step? Sign up for our community launch and be among the first to connect when we go live. We can't wait to meet you.